you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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