I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
