And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
