sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
