Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
