You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
