You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Found the puke drawer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
