Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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