Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
