Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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