New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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