i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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