I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
