you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
