Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
