I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
