I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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