lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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