I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
