But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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