Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
