He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
