The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
