I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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