I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
