Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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