i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
