i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
