He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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