Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
