it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How's work?
Spinning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
