They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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