We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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