You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
