there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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