Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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