It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
