dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
