I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
