Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize