i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
