He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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