My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
