i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
