I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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