I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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