the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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