if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
