so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
