i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
