I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just blew my weed a kiss
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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