Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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