Need sex. Gaining weight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
