i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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