How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
