oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
