i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
