I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
