your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
