Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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