Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize