I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
