I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
