i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
