Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
