i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your cock deserves a montage
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
