Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
