they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
