Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
