I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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