I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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