Jerry, you need to find god
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
