Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
