i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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