im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
