i just sent this text using only my big toe
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
