I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
