this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
