Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
