I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
