Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
