Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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