ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
