He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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