She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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