I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
