Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
