You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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