Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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