My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
