can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize