I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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