I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
