i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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