bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
so much tequila, so little girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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