I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
